Pilya

Pilya
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Goodbye Eden

Not to be confused with Arnold Arre's love story, this is more of a silly attempt after reading Solo's entries about Xero and Murphy ;)


The Red Priestess was walking along the garden of her temple when she saw a winged shadow fall on the ground before her. She looked up to see him flying overhead, oblivious to her. She watched his black wings move gracefully as they sent their owner to a mysterious faraway destination. She watched him, sad yet satisfied to see that he's getting on with his life.

She heard a flutter of great feathers right behind her and turned to see Angel gently landing on the soft earth, tucking his white wings. He smiled at her.

"Well, Angel, it's been awhile. So how fares you?"

He had come for another visit. And they talked about how their lives had been, him as His servant, and her as Hers. The subject of a female seraph especially piqued her interest, for he had usually been very shy. She told the embarassed winged man in white that she's happy to hear about it. As she looked at him, she knew she may not love him the same way she loved him before, but is sure to love him always. In the end, they hugged each other goodbye.

As she watched him fly off, she wondered when she could get her own wings...

5 comments:

Deck said...

Awwww... :)

fongi said...

uso pala storytelling ngayon, haha :D nice :) we should try working on a book together :)

batangbatugan said...

That's so bittersweet ^.^

Anonymous said...

YOU SWIPED THAT FROM AN EPISODE OF MULAWIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dominique said...

Hi, Jac,

Ah, good to see flash fiction is picking up. You might want to check out my friend Sacha's blog (http://sacha.free.net.ph) for some samples.

Some comments:
-You'll achieve a better effect if you maintain consistency of tense and point-of-view.
-Dialogue between the two characters might move the story forward more smoothly. This should have started in "He had come for another visit...."
-You might extend the dialogue further to foreshadow their separation.

Just some general suggestions. I hope you find them helpful.

Here's a post of my own for you to comment, if you wish.

http://villageidiotsavant.blogspot.com/2004/10/red-priestess-and-angel.html

Congratulations on getting published!

--Dominique